Saturday, February 19, 2011

Moving On

I don’t know how many of you have heard that song “I’m gonna wash that man right outta my hair” from the musical South Pacific. You might recognize it more as a theme song for a Clairol commercial in the ‘70’s. It doesn’t really matter either way, but that is the song that popped into my head the other morning when I was showering and it seemed appropriate.

My friends know that I’ve been dealing with a break-up and thinking there was a possibility of reconciliation. Well, I FINALLY got the clear answer that I wanted two months ago…..actually it’s information I should have been told about 4-5 months ago. His feelings for me changed. Fair enough, it happens. However, he didn’t have the balls to tell me that! He gave other (lame) reasons for ending the relationship and made it seem like it was something that could be worked out. Then when I offered my support for him to work out his issues, he cruelly let me go on thinking that he was seriously considering reconciliation for the past month. It’s only now that I find out he’s known this wasn’t going to happen - he's known for at least 4-5 months that his feelings had changed and there was no possibility of working things out.

So understandably, I am PISSED! I am not psychic and I can’t read minds….although sometimes I do envy Sookie’s ability on True Blood to do just that!! But I can’t and unless he had told me this earlier, there is no way I would have known! You don’t break up with someone and say you love them as you walk out the door. Talk about a mind fuck! Thank you very much for that! (Bitter - party of one!!)

So that’s about 4-5 months of my life I won’t get back. Not to mention the emotional stress and suffering. Luckily I have a fabulously wonderful group of friends that really helped me out! I LOVE all of them. I shared my dilemma with them and they all came through with advice, perspective, open ears, open hearts, and appropriate responses such as “I can’t believe he said that, what a jackass!” and “Let’s go grab a beer and flirt with the bartender…we’ll go have fun!”

Thankfully, I was able to vent my anger to him directly – no email there. I was able to tell him point blank that what he put me through was cruel and unfair. He handled the whole thing badly and I wish he had said something MUCH sooner so that I could have moved on sooner instead of wasting my time and energy on someone who didn't love me! I will probably look back at some point and appreciate the good times we had but that's not going to be today...probably not tomorrow either.

This is a venting post but also a turning point…I am moving on. His chapter has been closed and I am heading into a new one! I am looking forward to more fun times with my friends (like going back to the shooting range) and more flirting (Capri Blu here we come!)!

I am looking forward to finding someone who loves me and appreciates all of my gifts and my flaws (got plenty of them)! I deserve happiness and love and I look forward to having both with some fun and adventure mixed in!!


Laura Coursey said... do deserve that! Glad to see you are looking forward to the future! I love you too!
Oh and thanks for getting that song stuck in my head now! Laura

Christine said...

We all love you Jen! You deserve the best out there and I do have no doubt that you will find that in the future :-)

Catherine said...

I was lamenting today to my friend Rodney regarding the need for help with my folks. "Just put it out there what you need Catherine and it's gonna come to you." So Jen, Bravo for letting him know.... Time is a wonderful healer..... And something better is coming your way, just for you. Miss you. I wish I had you, Mary, and Pacia to help me with all these questions I have about dad... :) Cheers! Catherine

kharris said...

Love you kid! Here's to looking forward to the next, happier chapter of your life!