Hope

I have been neglecting my blog. Partly due to a lack of time but partly because I felt like I didn't have anything to write. Well, actually I had plenty to write but nothing that was good. Life has been rather stressful for the past few months and this last month or so has been a little more stressful. I didn't want to write a depressing post but I figure it IS a part of life, so here goes. 

The first issue is my parents situation. They sold their house almost two years ago now because they couldn't afford to live there anymore. That was like a death in the family - it was the house I had lived in since I was 6 months old. Very sad to lose it. They had a fifth wheel that they used to travel around in for about six months until my Mom decided that she really needed to be in a house again. Some place where she could garden again and they could have some stability. Well, they have not had any luck in their house hunt. They found a house last October that they bid on and went through the whole process only to have the bank reject their loan at the last minute. They had been renting an apartment for several months which they had to get out of by New Year's Eve and they found out about the bank rejecting their loan a day before that, so they had to move into the house of a former neighbor. The problem is this house is for sale, so they are now renting this house while continuing to look for another house they want to buy. It's been very frustrating and stressful for them. It's stressful for me as well because I wish I could help them in some way. I hate seeing my parents in this situation - they should be enjoying retirement now and not having to deal with this extra stress.

Another issue has to do with someone very dear to me whom I love very much. He is having problems moving forward in his life because of events in his past. I want very much to help him and I've given him information that would allow him to get help he can use. I am just afraid that he will not accept any help. I am afraid that he is stuck. He needs to realize that he is a wonderful person who deserves to be happy and deserves to be loved. Unfortunately I don't think that me telling him that will make him understand or make him believe it. I know that I can give him my love and support. I am here for him but I fear he won't reach out for the love and support I have offered.

The last issue isn't emotional but it is stressful. It's also my own doing. I am back in school (as you may know from a previous post) and of course that adds to the stress of everyday life. This semester I am taking chemistry and a lab that goes with it. So far it doesn't seem too bad but I've only had one week of school so far. It just adds to the stress I already have from work and other personal stresses.

I am not sure what I am being tested for but I definitely feel like I am being tested. I am a strong person though and I will persevere. I don't know how to not get through the downs in life. It's not in me to just lie down and give up...I'm a fighter and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Maybe some of it has to do with my middle name. Growing up I've always disliked my middle name (who doesn't dislike their middle name at some point?) but now I wonder if my Mom chose it to instill the meaning of my name into my life. Or maybe it was a reflection of that time period in her life and she chose the name so that it would bolster her own spirit. Either way, I feel like it has carried me through some tough times and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Thank you Mom!

Hope - 1. desire accompanied by expectation of fulfillment. 2. one that gives promise for the future.

I continue to have hope. I hope for happiness. I hope for easier times for my parents. I hope for easier times for myself and my friends. I hope for my love to be returned. I HOPE!!